Lessons I Learned From My Dad

Lessons I Learned From My Dad

Feed others, and serve yourself last. Get out and walk; walking cures everything. Check your tires. Coach. Where you come from is less important than where you are going. Don't take things from hotels that don't belong to you. Consolidate. In case of death, natural disaster, or nuclear war, you may need to know how to clean the pool, turn off the water pipes, or fix the toilet. Stand up for yourself. Be aggressive. Practice. Take your commitments seriously. Be discrete. Take vacations. A person's skin color signifies neither value nor lack thereof. Enjoy jazz. Look people in the eyes. Take care of your health. Don't be late. Enjoy sports for the game, not for statistics. Possessions are not a measure of a man's worth. Be proud of the military. Dine out. Be your own man. Keep accurate records. If you buy a live Christmas tree and keep it potted and watered on your porch, you don't have to buy a new one every year. Call your mother.

Pregame Poem #39

Pregame Poem # 39
7 June 2010

“Be American”

An ode to a team dressed blue,
Red, and white – the chosen few.
They’ve followed their hearts,
Let’s have more than three starts;
Whatever it takes to make your way through.

You are the ambassadors of this great land.
It’s time that we all made a stand.
Remind the world who we are,
In every living room, every bar,
We determine the value of our brand.

From a challenge, we never will hide,
Anything’s possible when hitting our stride.
Lead the world, show the way,
No price we won’t pay
To return in the end with pride.

Ask not what your country can do,
Be bold, be brave, be you.
Eye of the tiger never fails,
With a will tough as nails,
Write history as the winning crew.

Equal are all men created,
Live your dream and never debate it.
Victorious will be America,
Not bad tippers from Iberia,
Be the best, whether loved or hated.

Right Now is the time to begin,
Show this team’s better than we’ve ever been.
What’s in me? Show the doubters,
Amongst horns, drums, and shouters,
Be American. Live the goal. Let’s Win!

Washington, District of Columbia

All Photos Copyrighted J. Mark Porter Photography 2010

Lessons Learned From My Mom

No, not "whatever". Open doors and give up your seat for a lady. Shakespeare is worth reading. Birds are wonderful animals. Teachers are special people who themselves have lots of homework. It's not appropriate to wear t-shirts with curse words on them, even if it is a Van Halen shirt. The people with whom you are sharing a meal deserve the respect of your attention undivided by a telephone. Eat a well-balanced meal. Speak a foreign language. Be modest. Earn your keep. Make-up does not make a woman. Be a defensive driver. Actions have consequences. Travel... just not in the middle of the back seat. Go to church. Cooking is a shared experience. Don't watch soap operas. Your grandmother outranks your best friend. Your best friend ranks pretty highly. Listening is giving. Consider the weight of your words. Say "thank you". If you're going to fail a test, do it without sarcasm. Apologize - and act - sincerely. Pursue your passions with vigor. Be careful. Character matters. Fighting does not make a man. Be there for the important moments. Forgive. Seek the truth. Expect excellence. Make yourself proud. Appreciate beauty. Let others shine. Strength is more than muscles. Be kind. Watch out for motorcycles.

Under The Influence - America and a Lenten Struggle

In the autobiography of the great American Fredrick Douglass, he painted vivid portraits of, not only slaves, but also some members of the slave-owning families and how the institution of slavery had deeply penetrated and changed lives. He also detailed how knowledge not only changed his life, but the absence of it for others made life noticeably, even if inexcusably horrible, more bearable. Point being, there are a great many influences in history and in life, and they oftentimes play roles that we do not seek and may not expect. 

 To add to that, there are those we may not even recognize. When I was much younger, my mom wanted me to spend less time with a certain friend. Her reason was that she feared he was a bad influence on me. To that I retorted perhaps I was a good influence on him and that he should not be deprived of such. I cannot remember the finale to that exchange, but I will always remember the concept. Truth be told, I’m sure we were both right, only she was doing her duty as a mother, and I mine as a friend. 

In any case, we as individuals like to think that we are in control, if not of the events of the world, then at least of ourselves and - ultimately - who we are; that may not be so. The term “under the influence” generally refers to a state of psychological and/or physiological surrender to a substance such as a drug or alcohol. Depending on the situation, a human is either impaired or accelerated toward or away from certain behaviors while under the influence. Basically, an added variable fundamentally changes human events. 

 If we look beyond the limits of chemicals, we will find that there are also people, events, ideologies, religions, weather, and institutions that also routinely influence our lives. Knowledge, conscience, perceptions, greed, duty, tradition, culture, and even ignorance control the paths of our lives as well. And, then there is love, or so I am told. These are all influences, yes, but to be under the influence there would need to be some kind of voluntary or involuntary surrender of control. Frederick Douglass was under the influence of knowledge. Hamlet was under the influence of revenge. General George Washington was under the influence of revolution. I have a feeling that Hitler was under the influence of several things, among them – intolerance. Martin Luther King, Jr. was under the influence of a dream. Clearly some of these predicaments need not be cured, yet others can be construed as Satan himself. 

Perhaps the only answer lies not only in nourishing the healthy addictions and extracting the malignant ones, but in identifying them and then dedicating to those of supreme value. In the season of Lent, Christians are reminded of when Jesus spent time preparing for His death by denying Himself worldly comforts. In this time He was tempted by the Devil in several ways, but He was revealed to be under the influence of a divine purpose. The purpose of a retreat or a fast is to clear and focus. In denying oneself of worldly and evil things there is liberation. In liberation there is clarity and opportunity to exert greater authority over human events. The problem with being under an influence can be that the human spirit is conquered, and in fact enslaved. In liberation, the human spirit can thrive, conquer, and indeed triumph. As a person, that may be the healthiest state. As a people, just as we have eliminated slavery and moved toward a "dream", we may all need to liberate ourselves to conquer the demons ahead.

Hawaiian Beauty - Thoughts of Aloha

The Aloha State... ahhhhhhh... No, I'm not in Hawai'i. Well, not until I fall asleep. I'd like to think it is my second home. Wait, if California is my first home, and I live in DC, then... and Lima treats me pretty well... Okay, Hawai'i will always be "a home away from home". It's arguably our most beautiful state in the union. Duh. I lived there for a time way back when, so I guess you could say that's yet something else I have in common with the president... that and I'm a mixed-race American, am super-awesome at basketball, and I too was born in Kenya (wait, I think I fudged on the last two). Just kidding, I'm no conspiracy theorist (of course if I was, I wouldn't tell you). Where was I? Oh, yes, Hawai'i! Well it's been snowy here in DC, so I'm going to a happy place and was inspired of this archipelago way out in the Pacific today as I drank my pineapple juice with dinner. What's important to remember about the Hawaiian Islands is that it is not only another state - it's a state of mind. "Yeah, I on Hawai'i Time, brah!" Imagine a place where the ocean is not only always nearby, but a part of your life. You can smell the ocean; you can feel it. Nature is culture. So is food. So is family, or "ohana" in Hawaiian. The hula is not only a dance, but an art form of storytelling. Leis are not only intricate necklaces of living floral art, but a symbol of beauty, welcome, congratulations, and love. 

I will not pretend to wrap up the majesty of this place in one simple blog entry; that would be foolish. I would just like to share a little aloha. In my experiences, Hawaiians have been very giving for those who would truly care to share in the culture of Hawai'i. I'd like to think aloha, albeit special and culturally unique, should not be confined to the islands in the Pacific. We have a lot of worries, issues, and challenges on the mainland. However, just as Hawai'i is American, I propose we Americans allow ourselves to find a little aloha in our lives over here. Make sure you take some time to just take your time. Share a meal. Appreciate something beautiful. Feel the sunlight on your face. Give someone flowers. Listen to some nice music. "Talk story." Perhaps, I'm not doing this place justice, but I thought I'd give it a shot. 

 Aloha.

Day O' Love

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Many people hate Valentine's Day, or so they say. I have heard plans of girlfriends getting together, seemingly to the exclusivity of men. It seemed an act of group consolation - a day to get drunk and hate men (and this day) together. I don't really have a male version of the event, because we really don't talk about such things. Nonetheless, it is a holiday that lovers love, and singles tend to abhor. 

Then there's me... Yes, I am single. No, I don't hate this day. No, I don't dismiss it either. I generally enjoy holidays (except Columbus Day) because they either celebrate life or they hold some sort of special significance about why we are here. I like days that are special. Life gives you enough days that are forgettable. I started my day doing a small favor for a friend I had known for about 36 hours. Afterwards, (for some reason, no one wants to serve brunch at 4:30 in the afternoon) I settled for a great bloody mary and some chips between services at Tabard Inn. After wandering the snowy sidewalks and braving the winter chill for a while, I stopped into work to say hello to some friendly faces. However, they were very busy, and I discovered my presence there was not entirely productive. On the way out of the restaurant, one of our hosts even said, "What are YOU doing here?" (I suspect she may be one of those who hates Valentine's Day.) Anyway, I had a fantastic dinner up the street at Proof. I barely knew my bartender, which is to say I knew her name and that she knows her wines very well, but there was an odd comfort that she was taking care of me for that hour or so. Then, I went home at a very reasonable hour. 

Lying in bed, I thought about my day and what it meant. I wasn't bitter or joyful. I wasn't content either. What do all these people in our lives mean? People act and speak to us all the time, whether a best friend, a pastor, a stranger, or a person on television. Thanks to the internet, I am in touch with hundreds of people with whom I would have otherwise been disconnected... or never met! What do people mean to life? Picture life with literally no other people, and life is not only drab, but bleak. I instantly think of the Twilight Zone episode with that exact premise - the man who loves only books finds more than enough to last a lifetime, but then he accidentally steps on and crushes his eyeglasses. 

People not only influence us, but help determine the course of human events. Sometimes it's a whisper; sometimes it's a speech; sometimes it's a smile. People add value. We determine our own value, but those around us help determine the value of life. I started the day with a Bible passage, and now as I go to sleep, it makes even more sense: 

"Dear friends, if God loved us that much, we also should love each other. No one has ever seen God, but if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love is made perfect in us." 

(1 John 4:11-12) 

Yes, there is a lot of noise in life, but sometimes if you listen, appreciate, and give back, I think we find divinity, and yes - love. So, on this day of love and lovers, I want to thank everyone who has touched my life and made it... well... lovely.