Why You're Still Single

DISCLAIMER: This is not directed at any specific person, although I was asked (perhaps in jest) to figure this out for a friend, and that suggestion - not her or any other one person's actions - inspired the research.

Truth be told, the answer could be a number of things. Perhaps you are shy or don't trust people. Maybe you don't exude confidence or are slow to show affection. Or, of course, you could just be a terrible, dishonest person, but then, even our US candidates for president have a Mr. and a Mrs. (respectively, I assume). However, as a result of years of travel and research, I am going to offer a new reason specific to the 21st Century, and you might not like it.

I went out last night to a venue known for its live music. Live music is great, whether it's my buddy Rich's rock band, the symphony orchestra, a Broadway play, my church's choir, or the local Filipina star belting out some Alanis Morissette covers. I think if you ask a musician, they would tell you they enjoy the opportunity of having that human connection, and so do I as an audience member. In theory, people go to a bar or a club like this for this ambience, as well as the companionship of others with similar interests. What I noticed will not surprise you, and I think that is an issue too, and that was how absolutely tethered nearly all of the crowd (not sure I can use "audience" at this point) were to their cell phones throughout most of the performances.

I know I sound like an old man, but really, this is very concerning, and often I am guilty too. Except, on this occasion, I was not expecting any calls, so I left my phone at the hotel. Perhaps that is why I was so attuned to this phenomenon. You can see this going on everywhere, but what made it such a stark reality for me was that they weren't just on the bus, sitting in a doctor's office, or just killing time. They were neglecting one of the best things we have in this universe, which is the experience of human interaction. One of the only certainties of life is right now. To sacrifice these moments in connectivity to a virtual world on a regular basis is very sad, and now has become a very bad habit. I would also say that we are rewiring our brains to dismiss authentic reality. (This might even explain the American election and a great deal other dumbfounding events.) Authentic reality is life. No, really.

Now, you may counter that everyone has a cell phone, even couples; what does this have to do with single life? Plus, many people get together and have technological connectivity to thank for it. Singlehood didn't start during the Clinton Administration (draw your own tangents). All true, yes; this is a theory I would have a hard time proving. However, for the single people, I will only suggest that one reason you are alone may be because you don't always appreciate what you have in front of you - the one who chose to be there. Or it may be because your soulmate doesn't.

One thing I have learned from this trip about the world is that appreciation is one of the keys to life: It can inspire strangers to build your neighbors a home. It can get musicians to perform marvelous encores. It can get people to cook for you. It can allow you the honor to speak to a foreign congregation. Imagine if you truly appreciated the people within arm's length or earshot and respected the moment.

A study was done which showed interesting results in closeness and connectedness when people were tasked with sitting with a partner and staring into their eyes for an abnormally long amount of time. These people benefited from an intense and authentic human connection. What if any relationship could be strengthened or won by gaining an appreciation for authentic reality? Look up from the screen, and you might discover the love of your life.

Treasured Tacloban - A Farewell to the Philippines

As the weary explorer thinks of treasure, it's often in a memory or a smile. 

This journey of mine was initially meant to be one that circles the globe, but foremost, the itinerary was always meant to be dictated by what it creates and follows... and eventually the story it will tell. While that costs a bit more, takes longer, retraces steps, and makes for some otherwise avoidable situations, that has been the plan. It has been nearly sixteen months. I have booked passage back to my country, yet the last of many chapters is just starting to unfold.

There are places you pass through, places you love for their iconic charm, and places you link to experiences and people. Tacloban is not only where I spent many months working, but it is where I invested heavily in some hope to make a difference. Certainly, most people I know seek that in their lives, and they "work from home," so to speak. I came here once to volunteer, then stayed on when scheduled to leave. Later, I returned to work in a different capacity, still for the same goals. Now, I am here, it appears, to say goodbye.

There are good people here - decent, hard-working, sweet, kind people. Here, a smile - if not compulsory - is certainly highly prized. Sharing is culture. Family is life. Friends are people you hold on to. Song is joy. Love is a goal. Now, more than two years after typhoon, that scar is still here, but I sense a certain pride in the people around me in being survivors. Yet, mysteries remain, and perhaps if I had more time, those could be uncovered, but I don't. Of course, who ever has enough time?

Hence, I may have erroneously mentioned before Tacloban as not a travel destination. At least for this weary explorer, it most certainly is.

Expatria - the Unique State of Living Abroad

Life as a foreigner

The staff at Guisppe's Italian Restaurant on one of my returns to Tacloban

Living in a foreign land for an extended period of time is a lens like no other.

For instance, I don't think I could have ever ceased being a foreigner in the Philippines, but, that's okay for many reasons. Among those would be the fact that many in this archipelago have treated me so well, that I seem to often feel quite special here. Am I a novelty, or am I really that interesting and people back home just don't seem to understand? I guess the former, but I am holding out in hope of the latter. In either case, it's nice to be in a place where, maybe not everybody knows my name, but people look at me and smile. It's a simple thing, really. A smile goes a very long way, and showing people they are appreciated can get them to do almost anything for you.

Anytime you change your scenery - whether a place, an activity, or a group of friends - it affords you the opportunity to think, to adapt, and to evolve. As an expatriate, you are forced to make any number of life observations and come up with ideas, not just for how the world works, but for how it can work... and unfortunately sometimes how it doesn't. You see, of course, how people live - what they eat, how they react to things, what their passions are, what their problems are. You inevitably measure that culture against your own, and sometimes you are exhilarated, however also sometimes saddened.

Because of this lens of expatria, I do believe that while you can feel ever so welcome, and even sometimes like you are part of the family or neighborhood, there are constant reminders that you are still and will always be a visitor. This is not melancholy; it's simply a truth that you learn to see only after breaking through the barriers of being a stranger - that while each place in the world you love can offer you that temptation of the mind that it could be home, the humility that every world traveler must have tells you that what these people have is something sacred, and it is not for you to have simply because you want it, passing through with your backpack.

However, this realization is something quite valuable and unique. Not everyone gets the opportunity even to leave their own island in a lifetime. If expatria affords me the blessing of true friendship that knows no borders and forever enlightens what I know this world to be, if I can be welcomed back even where I feel I may not belong, these bonds in themselves are what I believe may just hold this fragile world together just a little bit longer.

Happy Forth - Thoughts of America from Abroad

One thing that intrigues me while I travel is how my country is perceived by people from around the world. To guess, based solely on what I hear people say at home or on the internet, I'd say everyone hates us. Never mind that lots and lots of people still visit or go through arduous processes to get to and live in America. Conventional wisdom seems to be that we are a violent, selfish, racist, arrogant, bully nation that is in need of some sort of enlightenment to regain the form of our youth.

Now, while I don't go around announcing my nationality or asking people on the street what they think of the United States, I do tend to meet people who ask me where I'm from, and sometimes we have a conversation. Pleasantly surprising, most meet my answer with a smile, and many times with some personal anecdote of their fondness for my country. Perhaps some are just being polite, but I get the feeling that many genuinely have a positive outlook on - even if not the government, then at least - our people. Even as recently as today, I still see people wearing American themed clothing - shirts, hats, and such. Yankees hats and Lakers jerseys are quite common on several continents, but even sporting gear aside, America still seems to be in fashion.

I can't tell you how distressing it is to have read the news for over a year now traveling, and there has just been divisive and upsetting story after story. Add in this nightmare of an election we are having, and many days, I just don't want to go back. People have asked me about guns, terrorism, sports, Indian tribes, the different states... but mostly Trump. Surprisingly, in Ireland, some folks weren't nearly as put off by him as many, however most seem to be of the opinion that he is either a joke or worse - a threat to world civilization.

However, what you see traveling the world is that every country has its conflicts and problems. Just this trip, I have seen: Nepal gain a new constitution that many would argue does not enough to address the inequality of women and minorities, the Philippines elect a new president who seems to have little regard for due process and a disdain for the media, and Great Britain decide to leave Europe. Since I began my trip, there has been an average of about 3 incidents of terrorism per day (7/day last month) throughout dozens of countries. Other plagues, such as poverty and various other injustices persist and would be too numerous to list.

I think people see us as a flawed giant, but recognize that we cannot be blamed for everything. Many see the work we do in delivering aid to those in need, working for peace and security where we think we can have an impact, and risking our lives to confront those who perpetrate evil and destruction. In seeing some of the pollution different parts of this world contribute and endure, it is difficult to imagine those people wagging their fingers at us any time soon. In short, as an American who has stepped out of his world to live within and among many other communities, we might just be being a little hard on ourselves.

Despite our many flaws, we have made it to our 240th birthday, and we are still here; people still look to us for influence. That certainly could change, but I think it is important to consider one thing - we are still capable of having an impact on the world and on our futures. In the 1960s, before we walked on the moon, the conditions were already set in motion that there was an African-American child who could aspire to and eventually win the Presidency of the United States of America. I like to think of this not to pretend some end of racism, but to consider what future is already possible for someone today when prospects seem incontrovertibly dim in the now. In the words of my dad, "look ahead!" Who knows what power we may have today to affect the reality of the future? I think that is still one of our greatest strengths, and others around the world can see it too.

Enjoy your burgers and fireworks. I'll probably have a pizza.

Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Travel the World for a Year

*UPDATE: See Part 2 of this list here: Walking Amadeus: Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Travel the World for a Year (Part 2)

Sure, it seems glamorous, exciting, challenging... an opportunity of a lifetime, yadda, yadda. Travel around the world for long periods of time is hard, and you should consider these reasons to just stay home:

10. All Toilets Are Not Created Equal
Sure, they serve the same purpose in every country, but you like having toilet paper, do ya? You like knowing you can sit down if you need to, do ya? Not every culture does. You just might find yourself hovering (hope you have good knees and good aim) and in a bit of a pickle that could ruin a good portion of your day. The good news is that you may just find yourself inclined to the habit of A) economically utilizing the tissue you've learned to bring with you, and B) finding cool new ways to form disposable balls of used said tissues for the bin on the floor... even if there isn't one.

9. You Will Probably Get Sick
It could be a mysterious rash, some sort of gift from a random insect, or Delhi Belly, but unless you are rich enough to stay in nice hotels and eat at great restaurants all the time, you are vulnerable to all sorts of things that might put a damper on your travel plans (or life). The good news is they oftentimes have medicines for those things, even in developing nations... and sometimes toilets to sit on.

8. You Will Miss Lots of Birthdays
... And graduations, and holidays. It's no fun for an American to spend Fourth of July in a place where nobody cares, and some places you just can't source turkey or cranberries for Thanksgiving. You will probably miss your favorite sports, because people in other countries don't watch it, and if they did, it might be on at some strange hour when you should be sleeping. What you will get to do is turn on the Facebook and see lots of pictures of your friends and family celebrating and having fun without you.

7. You Will Be Ruined for Proper Croissants and Great Ceviche
Yes, for the rest of your life you will resent all failed attempts at replicating the best foods of the world. That juice in a can will never be as good as fresh buko juice that your friend's grandfather climbed the tree to get for you. The list can go on and on, but I think you get the point.

6. You Will Lose Things
I prefer the term "liberate," because it sounds like I'm doing something good for the world. Sometimes it's the little things like a phone charger at the hostel or one of your favorite socks at the laundry service. Other times it could be your purse or your cell phone that walked away when you weren't looking. The good news is you just enriched the local economy, and that is admirable, my friend.

5. Home Will Annoy You
Now, not everything, of course; you will always love your In-N-Out Double Double, your dog, and your mother (not necessarily in that order). However, the more you learn about the world by being out in it, the more some things will seem petty when you return. See those little kids over there happily playing with marbles or playing some sort of dodgeball with their sandals? Yeah, it makes mandatory gift bags after soccer matches and other eccentricities seem horribly unnecessary when people on the other side of the world live very full lives with much less.

4. You Can't Take It With You
So you would love to collect great bottles of wine to take home with you? No. Maybe you found some great antique bookends in Morocco. No. Artwork? The answer is no. In most cases, what you want may be too heavy, delicate, perishable, or bulky to add to your already overloaded backpack. No.

3. You Won't Be Comfortable
What's that? You don't like the feeling of a stranger's elbow, thigh, two small children, or chicken touching you for three hours on a bus built for 2/3 the capacity it is carrying? You like the feeling of not being lost every other day? You know that couch with pillows or that glass full with ice? Get over it.

2. People Will Rip You Off
See #6. Yes, there is no better deed that gifting your weekly travel budget to a community in need, but sometimes you want to hold on to as much money as you can. There are bad people everywhere who target travelers, and unless you are always on your A-game, you are the target. Cheating tourists is a $2 billion a year business (I made that number up). Taxi drivers, street vendors... sometimes policemen or even your own hotel are all in on it. I got stuck paying $200 extra to enter a country, and my own airline had me detained overnight in an airport. You will learn to trust no one.

1. The People You Will Have to Leave
You will meet some of the best people in your travels. In some cases, you might think, "What if this person lived in my same city?" You will have random discussions with strangers that will enlighten you. You may share moments with someone who could be your best friend. Most of these people you will never see again. You will say a lot of goodbyes... if you're lucky. The people you leave may be the hardest part.

Now... given all these warnings, if you still want to go out and see the world - actually live out in the world - I've done my part to admonish you. I can't be held responsible. And good for you.

Episode One - Departures

Mothers Day - Philippines

I was fortunate to meet some great mothers in the Philippines, and every face tells a story. Happy Mothers Day to you all, and thanks for showing all those kids how to smile.